where I'm at

I'm in a very progressive place in my life! Definately the best state of mind I've ever experienced and certainly happier and more certain of who I am than I ever even knew was possible. I account this to a few things. 1. my parents
2. my ex g/f
3. traveling
4. eckhart tolle
5. learning social dynamics

these things have all had such a profound influence over my personality, way of thinking and perception on things that it's hard for me to express just how greatful I am to all of these elements.
I am lucky enough that I was raised by amazing people who were open minded, caring and loving beyond anything I can comprehend. Although I always used to be able to see the cracks and contradictions in a lot of what I was taught growing up. I can now see how it was the best information or possible solutions that could have been found at that point in my parents lives. Basically I'm trying to say that for the period that they were raising a family in and living a prime part of their parent lives they were at the forefront of what was basically possible to give to children in terms of way of life and knowledge and experience passed on for a growing child. Like I said looking back now I realise how amazing they truly were. Now in saying this , I am now much more knowledgeable in many areas of life and take great joy in being able to give back what I can as many of their generation, although still soo happy, are missing many links which most of society as we know it are only now discovering at a rapid pace. This of course is the link between mind, body and spirit as we know it in the universe. We are finally at a forefront of beginning to break free of alot of societies hold on us through religion and the age old " laws of living " and " what's possible" . It doesnt suprise me that the more we delve into spirituality we discover just how much it correlates to every single little thing we do in our lives and how it can so easily be transformed to work in our favour and give us life experiences that our wildest dreams hadn't thought possible. This by the way is no exageration!
So my parents were definately the grounding foundation that have helped me become the man I am today.They taught me knowledge of the world and pushed me into becoming a better person in every way. I account much of my love for the world from my hobbies and intrests ( music, surfing, sports ,love, family and travel) which came from my parents as they were very cultured life experienced people. So for everything they gave to me I am eternally thankful. I am sure that the craziness, socialness, looseness, adventuress spirit ,love and creativeness I hold in my personality are also direct pass downs from their own personalities, free spirits and experiences through life...again so thankful.

My ex g/f was a huge catalyst for others on the list ( although i think i would have found that direction anyway as I have always been very inquisitive on growing as a person). She allowed me to find love within my life at a massive level and gave me the oppoprtunity to truly give trust and my life to someone in a caring bond.She created experiences for me that were indescribable and opened new areas of my heart and soul that were untouched.She created indescribable pleasure and eventually excruitiating pain! which of course lead eventually back to pleasure in new ways for my life.
We had an amazing relationship which eventually fell apart due to me deciding to travel the world and leave her behind. As much as I loved her the call of the world and my adventures' spirit took hold and I had to follow what I felt was right for me as a person on a whole.
Now the breakup lead to a lot of heartache on my part and it caused me to take a major look at who I was and what I wanted from my life on many many levels. Basically it was a wake up call for me to realise the daydream I had been living in. Or to be more exact the FEAR I had been living in.Now when I say fear I refer to the fear of truly being who you want to be in this world. Which I believe is the biggest thing holding back nearly everyone in this world. Of course we have many little fears that hold us back in everyday living and they all need to be conquered one at a time but the ultimate fear of succeeding and truly being the ultimate person you dream of being is something everyone needs to personally adress. Now being the ultimate person you want to be most likely goes deep on many levels that you dont even realise and when you do start to delve into it you become clearer on just how much there is to achieve.
For me I aim to become truly a masculine man in the rawest sense. This does not mean macho although it does mean alpha. I refer to a true masculine man who is confident in "who" he is not "what" he is or what he feels he is perceived as and who comes from a deep place of love and respect for the world, himself and the people around us. This has nothing to do with ego whatsoever. Only a person who is truly present and egoless can conquer the fears he faces and become who he is meant to be in the true sense.Even typing about it gives me a good pure feeling throughout my body. A kind of fullfilling feeling that nothing else can really compare to.I think a feeling everyone truly desires deep down.
These realisations were first brought about to me by eckhart tolle in his book the power of now.It gave me a window into everything that was plaguing and troubling me thoughout my life as a whole. It awakened me into realising what was really going on around me and how oblivious I was to it all.I know this almost sounds like im saying i found the new "bible" and so i was enlightened. This is not the case.It did however open my eyes and strike a chord with me on a new level. It strikes a chord within you so intensely that it definately is a spiritual awakening to read the words in that book.For me anyway.
For many people the words spiritual awakening would be something to run from as it does sound religious or at least a bit too new wave to bother dealing with. And don't worry there was definately a time where i was of the exact same nature.Although i always felt the spiritual side inside of me especially being a surfer my whole life and loving wildlife and the world, I was definately not one to want to express any "spiritual related interests" as it never seemed cool or relevant to me at a younger age.It was more of a hippie type area and i was focused on being a surf punk kid and trying to talk to girls.Fair enough.
In wanting to grow and expand who I am as a man I have been lead to the area of communication and social dynamics.They are a major playing point in helping you create the world you desire for yourself.Mainly because your relationships with the people around you have a major part and direct correlation with your happiness, well being, positive emotions and experiences within your life.This also deals with being able to convey what you feel on the inside to the people around you on the outside ( although the deeper you look the more you will find that finding yourself on the inside will pretty much take care of the rest). This relates to relationships with families, friends, co workers and of course women.There will be many more posts on this area to come.
So when I say I am conquering my fears and becoming the man I truly want to be I come from a place deep within me.Although I of course still have all the dreams and desires of material things and achievements within my life on an outer level that I want to achieve i.e I have ambitions in music, relationships, travel, experience, wealth, health and many more. These are not the attributes I rely on to define who I am as a person. These are mearly experience's, moments , achievements or dissapointments within my euphoric adventures on this earth.They do not in anyway affect WHO I AM as a person within. Since this realisation has been struck within me I am now able to view everything from a totally different point of view.When nothing is taken so personally I am free to view and experience the world as it is and as it happens without fear of rejection or failure or any other way of losing out in life (as I am of course the only person responsible for who I am as a person inside).This in turn creates a massive surge in positive emotions continuously with everything I do and in turn seems to create positive outcomes with everything I do. ( and funnily enough when there isnt a direct positive outcome but rather one that seems the opposite, I still keep this frame and it seems to then be just part of a cycle that leads to a more major positive outcome).Often just taking it as it is keeps you open to the positive that is still to come.
Now to anyone who has experienced extreme pain, loss, dissapointment, frustration or change may feel as though of course this was out of their control and how can it just be reframed as a part of a whole positive experience. And I whole heartedly feel from where you are coming from. Unfortunately though whatever emotions you experience on the inside are actually in your control ( or should i say fortunately) and so change from within is a first step to change on the outside.
So this is where alot of where I am and who I am at this point in my life has come from.
It looks like I have a tendency to ramble so I'd say there will be alot more to come.
xo